When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
