If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
