so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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