he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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