She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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