Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
