he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
