I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
