dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
