hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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