I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
