im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
