there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
