You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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