i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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