sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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