Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
