Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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