Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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