omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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