my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My apartment stinks of burning failure
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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