At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
