i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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