it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
