Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
