Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
