why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
