Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We got so high we made milksteak
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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