my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize