Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
