If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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