I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
