I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
