so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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