Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
