Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
