I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
