Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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