i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
