I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
