So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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