I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize