Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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