Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
