and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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