so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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