yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I am morally bankrupt
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
