but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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