Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Farmville is her only friend.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
