what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize