he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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