So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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