How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
