Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
