her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
