Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
