Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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