I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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