I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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