WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
