we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
