Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
