Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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