mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish I could teleport
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
