Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
