Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
