I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I intend to get homeless drunk
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
