All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
