In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
