Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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