It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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