I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
