she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
