Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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