im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
