i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
