woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
