Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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