My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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