I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
