I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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